Did you know that…

44% of the adult American population is single. That’s over  100 million people folks, so your odds are actually much better than you think.

On average, there are 86 single men to every 100 single women in  America. So, the odds are slightly in favor of men finding a mate. This  ratio is a bit better in the Southwest, and in warmer climates such as Texas,  Florida, and California, the ratio in some cities actually favors the women.

50% of New York state adults are unmarried, making it the best  state for single people. Washington, D.C. actually boasts a 70% single  rate, making it the best area (although not a state) for single people. (I can vouch for this statistic!)  The states with the worst ratios are Idaho and Utah, with 40% and 41% single,  respectively.

You have 15 minutes to make a first impression – if you’re a  woman, that is. If you’re a man, you have a little more cushion. Women usually  take about an hour to decide if you’re going to have a second date.

Interesting stuff…right?

Question of the day: Would you relocate your life to have better odds at meeting “the one”?

Photo credit: skeddy in NYC’s Flickr photostream

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1384753

relationships

love

Did you know that:

• 57% of single women have sexted and,
• 69% of women dating have sent a naked photo via email or text

Folks, anything you do in cyberspace, stays in cyberspace. In the moment things like this may seem like a fun idea. But, the one drawback of the Internet today is the permanace of every action. Things in film, text, video are immortalized for life. They don’t go away. And, while you may be desperately in love one day, you’re one life altering argument from an ex taking his or her revenge by posting your texts or photos online for the world to see.

Today’s technologies seem to have made people more impulsive. You can post the harshest comments around the web anonymously. We mistakenly think there’s privacy in the use of mobile phones. It’s also super easy to use these technologies to get attention…they can even be addicting. But, while the temptation for this kind of in-the-moment fun is great…it’s important to remember that today employers are searching on your name before they hire you. They also frequently look you up on Facebook, Twitter and search for you on YouTube. So, those quick moments of fun could cost you a job, a promotion or the admiration of a boss or mentor….or even worse, a potentail mate who will be turned off to find your exploits online.

So, don’t be a Weiner (ha ha)…be smart about your use and consumption of social media technologies.

Have you ever sexted or regretted something you’ve put out there in cyberspace?

Photo credit: Jhaymesiviphotography’s Flickr photostream

relationships

love

A partner’s willingness to declare their love and commitment simultaneously to all their friends, colleagues and family members carries a lot of weight in today’s social media universe.  It also means a LOT and is a big red flag when a partner refuses to list themselves as in a relationship with you…

I’ve seen firsthand through friends what happens when a partner prematurely announces a relationship on Facebook or torpedoes their relationship by refusing to update their relationship status. It’s interesting how such a new and seemingly little thing can make or break a budding new romance.

Now there is new research into the prevalence and use of relationship status on Facebook. The study, appearing in the Journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, surveyed 58 heterosexual couples — most college-age — who had been dating for an average of 19 months. The study showed that partners tended to be similar in how they used social media and the importance they placed on it.

In 45 of the 58 couples, both partners reported being in a relationship on Facebook. And in 31 of the couples, both male and female partners showed their dating partner in their profile picture. Interestingly, men were somewhat more likely to include their girlfriend in their profile photos than vice versa.

However, a potentially troubling gender difference also emerged. A woman’s indication that they are “in a relationship” was not as important to their male partners compared with how women felt about male partners indicating they are “in a relationship.”

  “. . .men and women may place differential importance on certain public portrayals of the relationship,” wrote the authors, from the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

The study showed that couples do have fights over the relationship status feature on Facebook, which is probably linked to feelings of “jealousy, commitment and power,” particularly for females, the study’s authors said.

Clearly, we need more research into the growing importance of social media in relationships. But one thing clearly emerged from this research -Men…women think the relationship status feature on Facebook is important, ignore it at your peril.

How important is Facebook’s relationship status feature to you? Would you continue to date someone who wouldn’t list themselves as “in a relationship” with you?

Photo credit: [F]oxymoron’s Flickr photostream
relationships

love

But, according to a survey by CareerBuilder, 30 percent those who had a relationship with a coworker ended up getting married to that coworker. Maybe, times are changing? Apparently today there are new generational differences with regard to openness to dating in the office. Generation Y (people born in or after 1980) feel very comfortable pursuing love at work.  A January 2012 survey by Workplace Options and Public Policy Polling (see full report here) found that:

• 84 percent of Gen Y workers said they would enter into a romantic relationship with a coworker compared to only 36 percent of Gen X workers, and 29 percent of Baby Boomers.
• 71 percent of employed Gen Y professionals see workplace romances as helping to improve overall performance and morale
• Gen Y is more open to dating their supervisors than all other age groups combined (40 percent)

As a Gen X’er myself, I’ve never been comfortable dating someone at work. Then again, I spent my whole career in a female dominated industry so that might be why. (lol) But considering how much time we all spend in the office and with coworkers these days, it is the place we all spend the majority of our time, make many of our friends and meet the most new people. I’ve known a few people who have had office romances…but I only know one couple who made it work.

So, do you think it’s worth the risk? Have you dated someone you worked with? How did it work out?

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/calamity_photography/

relationships

love

I’ve read that folks are making perfumes with pheromones in them to help you attract the right partner…crazy!  Then again, I’ve also heard that all you have to do is wear the smell of vanilla or chocolate chip cookies and a parade of men will follow you down the street. LOL…wouldn’t it be fun if it were that easy?

Well, it’s true…pheromones are believed to alert both sexes to potential genetic compatibility. The genes that make-up your major histocompatibility complex (MHC) play an important role in regulating your body’s immune response — most notably in determining compatibility of donors for organ transplant. Some data have shown that the more dissimilar a man and woman’s MHC are, the more likely they are to bring a child to term — but even more interesting is that women are thought to be capable of actually smelling this genetic difference. Cool, huh?

In a study led by Claus Wedekind at the University of Bern in Switzerland, women were asked to smell T-shirts that had been worn by anonymous men for two nights and chose shirts that appealed to them. According to the researchers, the women consistently preferred the odors of shirts worn by men with dissimilar MHCs.

Even more interestingly,  in the same study, the womens’ preference for men of dissimilar MHCs was actually reversed when the women rating the odors were taking oral contraceptives. Ack!

Makes you wonder what effect birth control pills might have on choosing the right person, huh? Don’t get me wrong – I’m in favor of using birth control, but this certainly raises eyebrows.

What do you think of this research? I’d love to know…

Photo credit: AlishaV’s Flickr photostream

relationships

love

Ok, here goes, the Top 5 Posts on Coupletastic:

• The Truth Behind “I Don’t Deserve You” 
• Dating in Stages
• Are You “That Girl”?
• Are You Pushing People Away?
• Complaints Men Have About Women

Do you have a favorite post that you think should be in the “top 5″?  Or, do you have an issue or topic that you think I should address here? I’d love to hear what you think….

Photo credit: Dave Catchpole’s Flickr photostream

relationships

love

Emotional abuse doesn’t leave any visible external scars, but the effects of emotional abuse can be more severe and longer lasting than healing from a physical trauma.

Being emotionally abused by a partner or date mutilates your self-esteem,  lowers your self-worth and reduces what you require in a partner. It will make you question yourself, question your sanity and to think that you have no other options. It can also cause the domino effect of attracting bad people into your love life over and over because you no longer feel that you’re worthwhile.  Let me be frank…you ARE worthwhile, and being with an abuser of any kind is not worth it, no matter what.

Today, I’d like to make everyone aware of what emotional abuse is, so you can spot it, and provide a way for you to evaluate if you are in an emotionally abusive situation.

So, how do you define an emotionally abusive relationship? It’s when one partner tries to control the other by:

• Undermining his or her confidence, worthiness, growth, or trust
• “Gaslighting” – making him/her feel crazy or unstable
• Manipulating him/her with fear or shame.

It’s important to note that emotional abuse is not only direct and verbal. All of the above can be implied with sarcasm, irony, or mumblings and can be communicated with body language, rolling eyes, sighs, grimaces, tone of voice, disgusted looks, cold shoulders, slamming doors, banging dishes, stonewalling, cold shoulders, etc. There are a myriad of ways to be emotionally abusive with a partner.  Please take it seriously, don’t ignore or just tolerate this kind of treatment.

Some people are very clear that physical abuse is a deal-breaker…but that same person will then spend years allowing themselves to be emotionally abused. They wouldn’t let someone give them a black eye or break their arm, but will let someone beat your self-esteem to death, to choke your self worth and tear down your confidence. There is no good reason to tolerate this kind of treatment – certainly not fearing being alone. Seriously folks, partners are like taxis…another one will ALWAYS drive by. Really.

According to an article by Steven Stosny, Ph.D in Psychology Today, emotional abuse can be perpetrated by both men and women.  An emotionally abusive man controls his partner by manipulating her fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation; he threatens or implies that he might hurt her, leave her, or keep her apart from the things she loves. He often mocks her appearance, choices, preferences, etc.  An emotionally abusive woman controls her partner by manipulating his dread of failure as a provider, protector, lover, or parent: “I could have married a man who made more money, I had more orgasms with my last boyfriend, you’re not a real man, and you don’t know the first thing about raising kids.”

Interestingly, the more you experience this kind of fear, the more sensitized to it you become. So, the more you allow yourself to be treated this way, the more “normal” you begin to think it is. However, this “normal” causes you to be hypervigilent – you’re more likely to be highly aware of what the abusive partner is doing and try to prevent it from happening.  In addition, while physical abuse is usually cyclical, emotional abuse usually happens every day of the relationship. And the person being emotionally abused usually thinks that they are causing the other person to treat them in this unacceptable way or that they somehow deserve to be treated this way. Please realize that there’s nothing you can do to prevent or stop this kind of treatment – you could be absolutely perfect and it would still happen. That’s because it’s all about the abuser – this is their pattern. Nothing you do can change it. It’s who they are.  If you are in a situation like this, the most important thing you can do is to realize YOUR patterns:

• What in your past has taught you that it’s ok to be treated this way?
• Why are you staying?
• Why are people who treat you badly allowed in your life?

Are you wondering if you are or have experienced emotional abuse? Take the Walking on Eggshells quiz.

Have you ever been in an emotionally abusive situation or are you in one now?  Do you have a situation you think might be abusive, but you’re not sure? Post here and let’s talk about it…

Photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt Flickr page
relationships

love

You may know that I previously did a post about the top online dating sites, and some new ones, but did you know that today, 120,000 marriages per year result from Internet matches? Maybe your Mr or Ms Right is out there online. Who knows…but you certainly won’t find them sitting on your sofa eating ice cream, right? So, get out there and try something..maybe one of these sites, maybe one of the more traditional sites, or just get out there the old fashioned way. The bottom line – don’t let your life pass you by, just get out there.

Here are some new online dating sites that you may not have heard about yet:

1. Clique -   Through this invite-only site, only you, your friends and other people connected to you by less than three degrees are visible. When you’re browsing profiles, you can see how you’re connected to each person, and your friends can make match suggestions for you.
2. Sparkology - This new site has set out to filter its community with rigid criteria. To join the site, you need to be a college graduate. If you’re a man, you need to be a verified graduate of a school on the site’s list of “top universities.” Payment also works a bit differently than traditional dating sites. Women pay a flat fee per month to be on the site. Men pay a small fee to start conversations, which theoretically prevents them from spamming everyone on the site.
3. Nerve Dating – Once a site for listing personals, Nerve Dating relaunched in 2011 with a focus on natural ice breakers. Users post mini-updates on their profiles that answer simple questions such as “What did you do last night?” Whether they read a book, saw a concert or watched TV, the hope is that it will give others a reason to connect. Browsing the site is free, but unlimited messaging costs $20 per month.
4. Singles Around Me – This new dating option is an Android, BlackBerry and iPhone app that lives up to its name. Quite simply, it uses the GPS feature on your phone to find singles near you, literally plotting them on a map. Profile information is pretty limited, but there’s an option to message people to find out more if you fork over $2.95 per month or $19.95 per year.
5. Soul2Match - This site promises to match singles based solely on one piece of information from each of them: their headshot. Founders cite several studies that show what we’re all really looking for in our ideal mate is ourselves. Based on the premise that the more two people have similarities in their faces, the more they look alike, the happier they are in the relationship, the stronger the relationship, the website compares your photo with other faces to rate your compatibility.
6. Grouper – Interestingly, this site arranges group dates between three women and three men. Potentially less pressure and a “meet three new people for one time commitment” structure.

Daters….Would you try any of these new sites?

Click Here to Read More…

Photo credit: shawncampbell’s flickr photostream

relationships

love

Let’s all make today about celebrating how amazing love is - we can all agree on that, right? So, if you have a single friend…why not surprise them and send them a last minute valentine e-card. If you have a partner, make sure that you let them know how much you love them today.

Want a  great way to show your significant other how you feel? Why not go old school and write and send a love letter today (or modernize and send one via email).

I found this great article in Esquire with tips about how to write a fantastic love letter. Take a few minutes today and write one for your special someone.

First, sit. Letters take time. Letters have a rhythm. Letters must be written, and writing takes a while. Three lines can’t do the work of three paragraphs. This is not to say your letter must be long. Three paragraphs can do the work of three pages. Just give them some time.

Be loyal to the past you share. If your love emerged on a kayak trip, then you don’t just mention that experience — you make it. Let the river become your palette. Tell a story that only the two of you know. Or narrate a moment in which your partner was unaware that you were watching. Use detail to show what you remember and that you remember.

Let the example precede sentiment. A good love letter declares itself plainly, then illustrates particularly. “I saw you watching them play chess in the park. So quiet. I love the way you look at things.” Show what you love in your partner before you say what you love in them. Show, then tell.

Don’t repeat yourself. Emotional declarations matter more if you space them a little. Even in a short letter, you must create room. With love, there’s value in scarcity. That’s why it feels like such a jackpot.

Most of all, remember that it’s private. Say something that surprises you about yourself. Let your partner know that they have redefined your terms. In this way most, a love letter is like love itself. There must be risk.

So, get writing everyone and send something special to your loved ones today. And, in turn I hope you get lots of love, attention and Valentines today!

How are you planning to show your love for someone today? Do tell…

Photo credit: ButterflySha’s Flickr photostream 

relationships

love

If you live in a red state, you’re 27 percent more likely to get divorced than if you live in a blue state.

Maybe that’s because red-state couples traditionally marry younger—and the younger the partners, the riskier the marriage. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the states with the lowest median age at marriage are Utah, Arkansas, Kentucky, and Oklahoma.

(Source: National Vital Statistics Report, 2003)

Photo credit: spierzchala’s Flickr photostream

relationships

love