When someone tells you that they are not good enough for you or that they don’t deserve you – believe them.
This is not the time to argue with the person or to try to bolster their self-esteem. Your ears should perk up and you should go on high alert.
This is a more serious problem than you might be inclined to think. There’s something behind a statement like this. Perhaps your partner has serious low self-esteem, or they know they are doing something deceitful or there’s something in their past that makes them feel unworthy of your love. Ultimately, you need to learn more. I recommend that instead of trying to bolster your partner up, take a moment and ask them “why” they feel that way. Inquire, and then listen well. Really listen.
Some people think that a statement like this is romantic or endearing. I believe that it’s actually a warning. Your partner is telling you that they are not good enough for a reason. It’s also not necessarily a complement to the quality of your love – it’s all about them. Someone telling you that they don’t deserve you or are not good enough for you is a big red flag waving in the wind, folks. If this is really the way your partner feels, it will be incredibly difficult for you to have a healthy, meaningful relationship. Their insecurity may, in fact, even end up sabotaging your relationship. In my personal experience, men usually don’t say this to a woman unless something is weighling very heavily on their conscience.
The lesson here: if someone you’re in a relationship with tells you that they don’t deserve you or that they are not good enough for you….Believe Them!
I’m going to leave you with this fabulous quote from Greg Behrendt, author of He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.”
So, has anyone ever told you that they didn’t derserve you or that you were too good for them? How did it turn out?
Photo credit: Lee Coursey’s flickr photostream