Have you ever noticed how much we “over-share” about ourselves these days? In an age where social media is king, TMI is par for the course and a person’s every thought and physical movement is broadcast to millions online, we have all completely lost our mystery.
Remember those sexy, enigmatic women in films who were so gorgeously mysterious? Men were intrigued because those women kept them guessing…dosing out tiny bits of information and flirtation in a confident, “don’t you wish” sort of way. It was flirting and beguiling at it’s best. Those women rarely felt the need to answer every direct question…often they just smirked and changed the subject…meanwhile, today we all feel compelled to talk and talk and talk…to “over share” about everything (even the most mundane or really personal things).
Face it folks – while all this sharing certainly feeds our exhibitionist tendencies it really does nothing for our prestige as women…especially in the relationship arena. Men have never been enthralled by a woman because he found out that she prefers a 180 degree half-caf soy latte on Tuesday mornings. Men have never had an incurable desire to know more about the woman whose drunken college photos were online for all to see. Men don’t often want to ask for a second date with the cute girl who has just unleashed all the stories of her past abusive boyfriends.
Men like the woman who appears to have her shit together…the girl who sets herself apart from all the other TMI’ers out there.
Why is mystery important, you ask? Well, if you are to ask me…there ARE some things that don’t need to be shared – things that keep a relationship romantic. For example, I don’t think it’s necessary to go to the bathroom with the door open in front of your partner or to maintain personal hygiene in front of my partner. I don’t think it works in your favor to tell someone where you are, who you are with and where you’ll be going next ALL the time. Frankly, a lot of this stuff is really just nobody’s business and if you were to really get nitty-gritty and ask…most people would tell you that they flat-out don’t care.
So, what happened to privacy? Privacy can still exist, even in a relationship. I don’t need to go on and on an on to my husband about my eyebrow waxing appointment – my eyebrows just look nice because they do. He doesn’t need to know (nor should he need to care) about threading or waxing or my new shellac manicure. Would Grace Kelly have prattled on and on about the previous men in her life to the current man in her life? Nope…
Take Facebook for example – sure it’s fun, but potential partners and future bosses are able to glean more random information about you from 5 minutes online than most people would get after 5 days of actually knowing you. Plus, that information that may or may not be a good representation of who you actually are (or how you want to be represented in the future).
So, how can you maintain a little positive mystery in your relationship and in your world? Here are some ideas:
Break the routine. Basically, you want to change things that you know you both have gotten used to, or even started to expect. If you know your partner expects you to do a certain thing at a certain time, maybe do something different! If he comes home at a certain time and you’re usually at home then, maybe you should be out once in a while. You can even just go walk the dog. Catch up with a friend at this time, take the kids out, be on the phone when he comes home.
Smirk or give a cheeky grin in lieu of using words. If you feel that the mystery is lacking, RESIST answering everything in words. This can be difficult, because we ladies love to chat, but it will be well worth it! Next time smile, bat your eyes or answer with a “maybe” or “I’ll think about it”…said in a flirty way.
Listen more than you speak. There is nothing that’s more important than this if you want to become more mysterious. Talking often gives people a clear image/idea of how you think and feel and doesn’t leave as much to the imagination.
Honor Your Feminine Side. We all have a bit of a girly girl inside – show it off. Men are so interested in girl stuff. And in this day and age when we are all so capable and independent women, it’s more important that ever to maintain this side of ourselves with our partner. It’s so different from their world that men can’t help but be intrigued by our differences. So don’t hold back, it’s great to be a girly girl.
So, are you an open book…or are you a mysterious woman? What do you think? Can you reel it in a bit in this day and age to be a little less gabby and a little more beguiling?
To read more, go to: http://reneerose.hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Be-Mysterious-To-Men
Photo Credit: Corrinne Day’s Flickr Photostream